Third Trimester

It looks like I've made it to the thrid trimester without much news to share. 

We got into the new house and painted Abby's room yellow.  (It was a dull light blue before.)  Now Marti wants to paint the nursery.  Currently it's a cream color with one medium brown accent wall, but he's going to go ahead and paint the whole thing pale pink.  I think it would be funny if we had a boy after that.

I'm getting visible movement on a regular basis now.  I made a video of my belly for Marti while he was at work so I could share it with him, but couldn't see the screen, so please pardon the cameo appearance by "the girls."  Bouncing Baby Belly  Also, pardon The Wonder Pets in the background.  I know how much some of you hate that song!

I still haven't decided 100% if I am going to just schedule a C-section or let nature take its course.  We'll see how that plays out.

That's about it for now.  Aside from moving into the new house, it's been a pretty uneventful month!

Keys, Please!

We signed on our new home today!  The original paperwork needs to get to CA and a wire come back to Phoenix in order for the loan to fund and the sale to record, but once that happens, then we get our keys and can get started on the move!

I am so exited!

We will have almost 4 months to get the house and nursery ready for our little one.  That's just about right, I think.

As an added bonus of moving in at this time of year, the entire neighborhood is lit up like, well, like a Christmas tree!  The house almost directly across from us is all done up, and Abby is excited to look at the lights out her window at night after we get moved in.

What she doesn't know yet is that we are getting her a puppy for Christmas!  We told her it was a possibility and we met a litter of pups on Thanksgiving, but we haven't spoken of it since then.  We also told her before we even took her to meet the dogs that there was a great possibility that they may not be the right ones for us and not to expect anything from the visit.

We did get plenty of pictures though -- just in case.  :)  Mom is a (mostly mottled black) blue heeler mix and dad is a white with light brown spots pit mix.  Since heelers are born white and get their color at about 4 weeks (which these pups are 1 day shy of 4 weeks in these pictures), there's no telling at this point if they will turn black like mom or stay spotted like dad.  If she does change color, I'm glad we were able to see her and get some pictures while she still had her puppy whites on.  The mom's name is Abby and the pups were born on my birthday!

The entire litter.  Our pup, as well as the solo pup here were the only females out of 8 pups.

Most of her body is this splotchy white - which based on her parents, may or may not change in the next couple of weeks

Hanging on for dear life!

Abby holding the puppy next to the daddy

Marti nuzzling the pup

Close up of pup's face

"Was Breakfast Just Too Much For You?"

The title of this post was one of the funniest things Marti said to me all weekend long.

We were up at my mom and dad's cabin for Thanksgiving and already having a pretty lazy time as it was.

Saturday I feared the snow we arrived to would all melt off, so I hopped out of bed fairly early (for me, at least) and got in to the shower right away.  I came out of our room to find my mom making breakfast (OMG, she rocks!), and sat down to eat shortly after that.  I had big plans to take Abby out to play in what remained of the snow!

However, just as I was finishing my breakfast, a sudden gust of nap took me over.  I got "sleepy eyes" and everything!!!  I told everyone that I had to go lie down.

Marti, being concerned about me and the baby, came in to check on me and asked how I was and if everything was ok.  I assured him I was fine -- just really tired.  He asked how I felt, and, in all honesty, I told him I felt like crying!!!!  Of course, just saying the words was all it took to bring that thought to reality!  Despite the fact that I was crying, Marti and I saw the humor in the situation, and he cracked his little joke:  "Was breakfast just too much for you?"

I was so tired and felt so helpless!  I really wanted to have fun and take Abby out to play after being inside for a couple of days.  The thought of missing out on the snow entirely was making things worse!

I'm sure if I wasn't pregnant I wouldn't cry over something so silly, but it is funny how things like that can just take over your day at a time like this.

Marti was a sweetie and let me sleep as long as I wanted.  I heard him peek in at me, but he never once tried to wake me and tell me to get up -- even though I slept away the better part of the day.  I missed lunch entirely, but had time to get up and get dressed to go out to dinner.

We joked that I was going to be up all night since I slept all day, but if you know me, you know not one person was serious when they said that.  If there's one thing I do well, it is SLEEP!!!!

I don't remember being this sleepy with Abby -- especially this far through the pregnancy.  With any luck, this all means our little one inside is going to be a great sleeper!

"How Do You MAKE a Baby?"

I know she's five years old, but I just thought that direct question would have taken longer to arrive.

Abby flat out asked tonight.  I had to go dig out our copy of "Where Did I Come From" to make this as painless as possible ---- FOR ME!!!

Luckily, the book was just where I thought it was and readily accessible in all the boxes Marti has stacked up for our move.

I'm telling ya', that was SOME bedtime story tonight!!!!!

First Visible Movement

I was sitting in a chair at the computer on 11/17/10 when I thought I MIGHT have seen my belly move when the baby kicked, but I wasn't quite sure yet.  I thought it could have just been my REACTION to the kick, so dismissed the idea.

Then on 11/20/10, I was on the sofa and DEFINITELY saw my belly move when she was kicking me!

So, there you have it.

It was spectacular to me, but not as spectacular as THIS video someone else made.  This video is just CRAZY and wonderful and creepy all at the same time!  Just to be clear:  THIS VIDEO IS NOT ME.

Baby Moving in Mommy's Belly

The Rules

I know some pregnant ladies DO NOT want people to touch their bellies and find it a COMPLETE violation of personal space when someone does, but it doesn’t bother me one bit.  Maybe I was a dog in a previous life, but I actually enjoy getting my tummy rubbed.  Plus, it’s getting bigger and I understand to some people, that is intriguing.  Feel free to rub the belly!

However, if you happen to notice my boobs are getting bigger and are intrigued by THAT, you may NOT rub my boobs.  (Just sayin’!!!!)

If you want to feel the baby kick, feel free to ask and I will search you out next time she’s moving around.  I never get sick of feeling babies kick!  If there are more of you out there that feel the same, feel free to ask!

Yes, my belly is getting bigger.  But, there is a BABY in there, so it doesn’t bother me that it’s getting bigger.  There is a valid reason for it!  So, feel free to comment on the size of my belly.  Unlike some pregnant moms, it doesn’t offend me one bit.  If it looks small one day because of what I’m wearing or larger another, it doesn’t bother me if you point it out.  If it’s a small day, I find it encouraging that I may not have as much weight to lose once she comes out.  If it’s a large day, I am happy that she is growing and that I actually made it to the point where I’m showing.  Either way, it’s a win for me!

If I’m having one of those emotional days, DO NOT HUG ME!!!  I WILL cry, and you WILL get wet!  A hug just opens the flood gates, so leave it alone.  If I look especially emotional, just walk away.  I promise, I will get over it faster if you don’t talk to me.

If we decide on a name, we will probably tell you.  But for now we just don’t have one and that’s why we’re not sharing one.

More Movement

Of course, I’ve reached that point where I can feel the baby moving around, kicking and punching me on a regular basis.

What is new is that in the last couple of days, she has started REALLY kicking me in strange places.  It makes me want to move away from the feeling, but the feeling is inside me, so there’s nothing I can do except squirm and hope she doesn’t do it again.

Last night Marti had his hand on my belly waiting to feel her again, but I was tensed up, so she was holding still.  I told him when I am relaxed, she moves more, but it’s hard to relax when you know someone’s going to kick you in the crotch.

What’s funny is sometimes he feels her gently squirming around in there more than he feels the big kicks.  It seems like it should be the other way around.

She is getting predictable, too!  I like that.  J

Every morning, she “wakes up” around the same time my alarm goes off and starts moving around more.  Of course, my bladder is full when I wake up, so sometimes when I feel her moving, I make a beeline for the bathroom before she gets a chance to kick me in the bladder.  Marti just laughs.

Being pregnant is great, but there are some things that I really miss.

Of course, there is the standard list of “don’ts” that I miss being able to just have whenever I want:

Bleu Cheese

Sushi

Beer and Wine (although N.A. Beer is a pretty good substitute to tide me over until it’s OK to tie one on again!)

Brie Cheese

Muscle Relaxers (when I get a knot in my back and just want to knock it out immediately)

Large doses of coffee on those mornings when I am so fatigued I could just roll over and die (although there is decaf for any other day)

Oh, and speaking of sweet energy-imparting elixir…

Why is there no substitute for Monster?  Why does it have to say not for pregnant women and children?  Whaaaaaaaa!!!!

Lo-carb Monster, I miss you SO MUCH!!!!!

We Are Moving Soon! (So Why Am I So Sad?)

Warning:  Even though this was going to be a happy post, there are some emotional issues included.  Continue reading if you don't mind awkward.

Since we had already outgrown our current home a while ago, once we found out I was pregnant, we didn't really hesitate to start home shopping again -- even though it's probably still not the best time to buy.

We found a home that we already fell in love with the floorplan last year, except this one has a beautiful pool as well!  After a few nerveracking days, we heard that they accepted our offer, so the move is on!

My problem with this is leaving our current home.

We both LOVE our back yard and will miss it -- even if the new one is just as nice as our current yard, if not nicer, in different ways.

 I also am having a hard time letting go of Abby's room.  Last night Marti woke me up and we started talking about things.  He got me thinking about Abby's room and all that I put into it (emotionally) through the years of preparing it and the times of sitting alone, staring at those walls knowing I had just lost a(nother) baby and wondering if anyone would ever live in that room.  It's not just Abby's room to me.  It is a room full of hope and shattered dreams.  It is a room of a wonderful dream finally realized.  I cried at the thought of either us or someone else painting over all that I did in that room -- all that I love about that room.  While they are not all happy memories in that room, in a sense, those memories are all that I have left of what could have been and I cringe at the thought of letting go.

And, while I know we could not have had Abby or this one if the others had made it to term, I am still sad for the others that are not with me - both before and after her arrival.  Even with all the joy of having her to cuddle and another safely on the way, it does not erase the pain of loss from before.

Hopefully we don't have to paint the room as part of our move out and I can maybe ease myself away from it gently.  Hopefully the real joy of moving into the new house (as opposed to the anticipated joy we feel now) is enough to get me over it so I can let go.  I guess part of my problem is that it is the only physical representation of what I miss.  When others lose family, they have cemetaries or even urns of ashes to go to on rough days.  When you miscarry as early as I always did, you have nothing but the emptiness it leaves you with.  I guess I am sentimental enough to need that physical representation until the pain goes away - and I don't know if that day will ever really come.

Any suggestions to get me over this bump in the road?

Half Way There! TWENTY WEEKS!!!!!

I am excited to announce that I have finally reached that magic "half way marker" of 20 weeks.  Not only is it half way there, but it is also the progression marker that my reproductive endocrinologist gave me of when I can officially stop worrying about miscarriage, given my "condition."  Twenty weeks.  That magic number I was given, and have reached.

Most women get the unofficial 12-13 week time frame to worry about losing a baby (if they worry at all), but my doctor gave me 20 weeks to continue worrying.  I have done my best not to worry about it or dwell on it and have done a pretty good job with that, I must say.

I still can't believe it!!!!!  I am just over the moon!!!!!

New Visitor Map Widget

I posted a new Visitor Map widget on the right side of the blog for fun.  It is supposed to show where people are visiting my blog from and even shows a Google street view type picture of the approximate address of each web hit.

It put me on the West Si-eeeeeeeed about 20 miles from my house, so it's not too accurate, but still could be fun once the little location pins start showing up on the map.

I just don't know why it gives an actual specific address when it's guessing the middle of the city (presumably) for each IP address location.

Join the Club! (We Felt the Baby Kick Club)

I am starting a new "We Felt the Baby Kick Club" like I did with Abby.  Check back to this post for updates.

Feel free to join in!  I'm NOT one of those pregnant moms that hates to have my belly touched.

First one to feel the baby (besides Mommy, of course):
Marti Harris (Daddy) 11/3/10
Abby Harris (Big Sister) 11/5/10
Michele Rich (Grandma) 11/26/10
Monique Lawlor 12/30/10
Corina Limon 1/28/11
Ron Rich (Grandpa) 2/1/11
Cheryl Jonescu 2/22/11
Jessica Estipona 3/18/11
Everett Estipona 3/18/11
Tiffany Peterson 3/21/11

I Guess I'm Getting Fatter...

This morning I was getting ready to leave for work and Abby was still in bed.  I happened to be wearing all black, so I'm sure that played a part in her perception that led to her proclamation about my weight.

She was on her back and told me I looked like I was getting skinnier and skinnier.  (Of all things!  Awesome!)

Then she made a point of clarifying that it was probably an illusion.  (Gee, thanks, kid!)

To clarify her point, she rolled from her back to her side.  Then she put one hand in front of her belly and another behind her butt.  She said I was really getting fatter and fatter.  As she said this, she moved her hands away from her body to indicate I was growing.

I realize my belly is getting bigger, and will get bigger still.  But was it really necessary for her to mock my behind?  She could have just put both her hands in front of her belly and indicated growth there.

Nope.  She had to roll onto her side to make SURE to include the butt.

Funny thing is (and I may just be in denial, so feel free to correct me) I don't think my butt has gotten that much bigger at all -- CERTAINLY NOT remarkably so!

Whatever.

Anatomy Scan Today

We had the big sonogram today and they confirmed it is a GIRL!

Everything measured perfectly, too!

I WON!

Back in September, I went to a "baby shower" at the zoo that Fisher Price hosted for just any mommies-to-be.  It turned out to be mostly a presentation on how they teamed up with Sherwin Williams Paints and the Container Store with their new lines of products so they all match.

I got a little bit of swag while I was there -- a lip balm, a hand sanitizer, a teething ring -- and I entered their contest.  The grand prize would have been their entire line of new products and I think gift cards at the other stores.

Yesterday Marti called me at work to ask me what I ordered from Mattel.

???

I didn't order anything, but there was a big box that had just been delivered to me.

It wasn't ticking, so I told him to open it.  ;)

Inside was from Fisher Price.

http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Newborn-Rock-Play-Sleeper/dp/B002M77N22

Turns out I won first prize!  It's not the grand prize, but I didn't expect anything, so this was very nice!

Weight Gain

When I first got pregnant I gained a bit of weight, but then lost it.  It scared the shit out of me, but now that she(?) is moving around, I am ok with the lower weight.

I had been holding steady for a while, but now I've pretty much lost another little piece of my previous gain.  I have a fairly obvious pregnant belly and the "girls" are getting a little more attention these days, if you know what I mean, but my weight is really just one pound higher than it was when I got my positive pregnancy test.

I just wish I could remember how I gained with Abby.  I know my end weight with her, but how I got there is a complete mystery to me.  I tend to think I gained more with her right off the bat, but I can't verify that.

I'm not fighting this.  I'm kind of glad, and my OB/GYN is pleased as well.  I just find it funny that my belly is sticking out so far (relatively), yet I've only got one more pound than what I started with.

I don't feel like I eat too little.  I don't throw up.  There's no reason for this.  It's just one more of those things that's probably overdrawing my Karma Credit Account!  I'm a lucky girl.  I know this.  Am I lucky enough to be one of those that barely gains and walks out of the hospital in her old jeans?  Be still my heart!  There's no way -- after leaving the hospital a bloated, "cankled" mess when I had Abby -- that I expect this, but a girl can dream, right?

Yup, That's the Baby Alright!

What I suspected was movement over the course of the last week has increased and clarified, so we're right on schedule with feeling this baby move in the 17th week - just like with Abby.

I did, however, think I would feel it earler because I knew what I was waiting for this time.

No such luck.

I'm OK with that though.  I like what I'm feeling now and I'll take what I get.  It is something I never thought I'd feel again, and it sends my heart to the moon every time I feel those tiny nudges now.

Movement?

This may be it!  I think I am getting movement this week.

I had to stop and concentrate a couple times yesterday to see if I was feeling something, and then today it was easier to feel something, but I'm still not absolutely certain this is is.

With Abby, I felt it in the 17th week also, but she was my first.  I thought with the second you feel it sooner because you know what it is you're expecting.  Oh, well.  So much for that idea!

I'm pretty sure I'm feeling it now though.  I mean NOW!  As in RIGHT NOW!  How funny.  She (?) knows I'm talking about her.

Quick Timeline (just for kicks)

I was going through some pictures tonight and saw the pictures from the day I cleaned out the garage and we donated most of the baby gear.  Those pictures were dated April 25th.  It was probably one of the hardest/worst days of my life.  I was looking in the mirror (figuratvely speaking, of course) and trying to get myself to admit that I was over 40, I had a long history of losses, my husband didn't even WANT another baby, and it just wasn't meant to be.

Amazingly, less than 2 months later (June 17), Marti agreed to give "Project Sibling" one last try!

Even more amazing is that after years of some very serious on-again off-again trying, we were able to make it happen this time within a couple weeks of making that decision.  (Estimated date of conception is around July 4.)

What is more amazing still is that I am still sitting here with a live baby in my belly.

I look back on where we've been and what we've been through (both the undeserved and the self-inflicted suffering) and it just doesn't seem real that this is what happened!

As if that's not good enough, I am having a wonderful pregnancy.

Surely my Karma Credit Account must be overdrawn by now!!!!

Maternity Pants

I wouldn't say I need too much of the extra room yet, but they are a bit more comfortable as of this weekend, that's for sure!

I also discovered that, while the wide elastic bands come in handy for the extra room (which I will need more later than now), the bands serve a dual purpose - for me, at least.  When you're pregnant, you pee.  A lot.  And when you have to go, you have to go.  Elastic waistbands make for a QUICK escape when the time comes to make a run for it!

More than once I found myself wondering in a panic, "WHY did you wear these (non-maternity) pants when you KNOW the zipper sticks????"  Luckily there were never any catastrophes, but it was close enough that I am going to just give up and go with comfort -- and peace of mind.

BRING ON THE ELASTIC!!!

Still Tired

I was talking to a friend at work today about mom stuff and she said she's tired.  Me, too - and I'm not even taking care of an infant right now!

Usually during the day I'm pretty good, but I sure do hit the wall when I get home.

How am I going to make it through 9 whole months?  I'm not even carrying that much extra weight AT ALL yet.  How exhausted will I be when I have to waddle everywhere I want to go and sleep is next to impossible due to being uncomfortable?

Even more concerning -- how will I function on the little sleep newborns let you get?  If all goes well, I will nurse this one, so Marti can't even really help me at night with feedings and I will be SUPER sleep deprived.

It makes me tired just thinking about it.

I've Got Guts

Sometimes I feel like my belly is getting huge, and other times I feel like I barely show at all.  I'm quite certain it changes.  Is that nuts?

Also, after I eat, it HURTS!  Not too badly, but still...

I can feel my abs stretching out to make room for my guts.  I know it's not making room for baby yet because baby is not that big or high up yet.  I just have a lot of guts and they don't seem to get along well with my lungs.  They want out.

Sneezing

Sneezing hurts.

A lot.

Sneezing doesn't hurt so much if I have enough time to curl up into a ball first.

That is all.

I'm Such a Wimp!

The whole "Bring it on" thing?  Not so much today!

I got to work and had some oatmeal from my food stash.  It's not the end of the world, but we have a mouse in the office that has been getting into our stuff this week, and he has crossed the line into my desk as of this morning.  He only chewed up the corner of a bag of popcorn, but the THREAT of him getting into all my food (that I NEED to have around due to low blood sugar issues, and now pregnancy) is enough to piss me off and also make me feel somewhat helpless.  I NEED to have food there, but now I MUST get rid of it.  Maybe I can keep a box of stuff in my car, but it's still Arizona, and stuff WILL suffer from the heat.

So, that deflated my incredible mood this morning right out of the gate.

Then, after the oatmeal, for some unknown reason, I got a belly ache and a massive headache.  I ended up on the "sofa" in the ladies room for a while because I felt like I was going to puke, and if I didn't puke, I was definitely going to cry.  Either way, not a pretty picture at my desk.

My boss came in after a while to check on me, and just talking made me start crying.  (Like I didn't see that one coming!)  I finally asked her to leave because even though she was trying to help, the crying was making my head hurt worse.

I just wasn't getting any better, so, eventually, I just went back to my desk and packed up.  I was homeward bound and it was a GORGEOUS day today, which made me feel EVEN WORSE because I was going to miss it.  What a waste of a great day!

Instead of finishing my day at work, I went home.
Instead of enjoying the nice day, I went to bed.

I feel like I've missed out today.  I don't feel strong of mind or body.  Pregnancy kicked my ass today and left me a sniveling mess.

Maybe once I pick Abby up, I'll feel better.  I promised her I'd take her to the library yesterday, but she got in trouble, so it has to be today now.  (I have stuff to return.)  I hope it's still nice out when I finally creep from my cave.

Any Ideas?

I want to give Abby a present before the baby gets here that would be special enough to keep forever probably, yet not so special as to break the bank.  ;)  Any ideas?

It should symbolize her being my baby now and always, and that having a sibling will never change that or how I feel about her.  I also think maybe since she will be 5, she will be able to appreciate something "older" that can symbolize her sort of coming of age in that she will be the big sister instead of JUST our little baby.  I'd like it to celebrate HER change - even though I also want it to say nothing is changing.  (This is making me think of a friend who wanted her hair "short but still long, and for the girl to cut it, but don't touch it!"  LMAO!)

Does that make sense?

Anyway, I have lots of time to look around before then, but thought I'd throw it out there to you guys in case you have any ideas.  If you see something specific, a link would be MUCH appreciated!!!!  Until then, I'll keep shopping around - because unless we're talking shopping for auto insurance, shopping never sucks!  ;)

I'm Impressed!

So, I was sitting at the computer and Abby brought me her drawing.  It's the baby Doppler!  Keep in mind that I use it MAYBE every 3-4 days for a minute at the most.  Sometimes she isn't even there when I use it, although she has used it twice to find her own heartbeat.  Also keep in mind that it is put away right now and she is not looking at it.  She has not seen it since Sunday when her great grandmother called and I let her hear the heartbeat on the phone.

And, in case you missed it, here is the original: 

Not bad!  She even put the little dots for the speaker!

ETA:  I forgot to mention what prompted her to draw the Doppler.  She found the box it came in -- an unmarked cardboard box.  She likes decorating boxes and punching holes in the cardboard with a pencil and asked if she could have the box.  I told her I wanted to keep it to put the Doppler away when we were done with it, so she got some paper and started drawing.  That's how my little artist chose her subject.

Happy "Time to be Pathetic" Week!!!!!

I guess I'm at that point where my hormones are raging and I can cry at the drop of a hat!

A couple nights ago, I was so tired I couldn't even muster up the energy to microwave a frozen dinner for myself.  Marti did it for me when he got home and in the process of telling him how incredibly tired I was, I started feeling weepy.  Then he cracked a little joke about something unrelated and at the time, it was SO hilarious to me that it made me laugh.

Note to self:  when you're on the verge of crying already, DO NOT start laughing!

Of course, I started bawling like a baby and had to go to bed. 

At least it wasn't like the time when I was pregnant with Abby where I was so SAD I started crying for no reason, and then at the same time I was laughing at myself for crying like that.  It was a truly disturbing moment for me to watch myself have!  I was feeling both the extreme sadness for whatever reasons, AND the hilarious mocking laughter directed at myself.  Until then I wasn't sure if split personalities really could exist, but I'm a believer now based on that brief exposure to my inner Sybil!

Then, last night, I came home to find the sweetest card on the counter, filled with shopping money and a certificate for a mani/pedi.  Marti made an appointment for me to go relax by myself this morning and told me to go pick some things out for myself at whatever shop I liked.  He also made reservations for a date for us tomorrow.  Guess what?  I cried.

And, finally, this morning I was on facebook and ran across a friend's post with this:

I'm not even going to say what happened after that.

That's Not Good...

Just a moment ago, I realized I forgot to eat dinner!  It wasn't because I was hungry, it was because I realized I never did dishes, so, had I not even gone downstairs, I wouldn't have even realized I never ate.

MAYBE it was because I was so full from lunch today???

Either way, I need to make sure I'm eating regularly.  I don't need to be passing out due to low blood sugar.  That's disruptive enough when I'm not pregnant.  I don't even want to think what waking up after passing out while pregnant must feel like!

I haven't been trying to NOT gain weight, but I haven't been gaining a lot of weight anyway.  Now I think I know why.  I knew I wasn't FAMISHED a lot of the times, but to flat out FORGET to eat?  That's not good.

We see the doctor the day after tomorrow again.  We'll see what she thinks of my weight at that point.  Last time it was all fine with them, so I'm hoping it's still fine.  I'm not too worried about it at this point.  Plus, there's always the fetal doppler which lets me hear the heartbeat any time I want to.  I really can't express how good it is to hear it's still there!  I really NEVER thought this would happen!!!!!  :)  I mean, we tried off and on over the past few years, but after everything, and after all this time, I just thought my time was up and any efforts would be futile or heartbreaking.  Who would have thought I'd make it far enough to think that this is really real?

Priceless (Timely) Comment of the Day

So, after last night's episode of crying over spilt milk, I found it incredibly amusing (yes, I'm sick that way) that a friend at work was inquiring about my "delicate condition."  Actually, that's not the amusing part.  The amusing part was his timely choice of words after I was upset about poor word choices I'd seen used in my medical records.

In his effort to continue the conversation in euphemistic terms, he continued his questioning with asking me when this "delicate condition" would "terminate."

Bwa ha ha ha ha!!!!

Actually, it stopped me in my tracks for just a half a second maybe as I stammered to remember the due date.  So, I guess it threw me for a moment, but after that I found it amusing just because of the sheer unfortunate timing of it.

No, I'm not going to spend my lunch hour in the restroom crying this time.  No worries.  I'm just going to put that one away with last night's "abortion humor" of a good friend who knows the best way to bring me out of a funk is to be as inappropriate as humanly possible.

Thanks guys for helping me find a better way around my issues.  :)

Bloody Nose ---- CHECK!

Got my first bloody nose tonight.  I think I got them much earlier with Abby, but I haven't looked it up yet.

Whatever.  Either way, I have one now.

***************************************************

Edit to add:  Yup, just verified it was March 13, 2005 when I got my first pregnancy nosebleed.  That would have put me at 10 weeks, 2 days.  I'm 13 weeks, 5 days today, so I did remember it correctly.  This did happen earlier with Abby.

I just hope it doesn't happen as often this time.  It was kind of funny, but a pain in the ass last time!!!

Even Now: Still Not Immune to It

Warning:  Emotional issues below.  Move along if you can't handle awkward -- or feel free to keep reading if you want a peak inside the head of the paradox also known as the pregnant infertile woman.

One would think that with a 4 year old running around and another one on the way, I'd be happy.  Yet, when I inadvertently reminded myself of all my previous losses today, it all came flooding back, in spite of (almost) having everything I've ever wanted.

It shouldn't matter anymore, should it?  I shouldn't feel this way.  But it still hurts.

It doesn't really matter why, but I was looking through my medical records and was surprised to feel myself descending down that ugly spiral.

I also cannot get past the sting of the poor word choice that they use to describe infertility issues.  I'd forgotten about the actual label I'd been given:  habitual aborter.  Really?  Sorry Doc, but the only babies I've had removed from me were already dead or BORN living and STILL living.  Why do they have to use that term????  Oh, how that irks me still!

As much as I am convinced I am past the danger zone with this pregnancy and will soon have 2 under my roof, just as I longed for, it still does not erase what damage was already done to my heart in the past.  I'm sure being pregnant does nothing for my emotional strength to deal with this thing of the past, but honestly I'd rather find myself weeping over my husband spontaneously bringing me what I was not-so-secretly craving yesterday, or over his simple but kind gesture of going upstairs to get me a more comfortable change of clothes as soon as he walked in the door last week and found me collapsed in my work clothes still.

Sex of the Baby

During the NT scan, the tech asked us if we were interested in determining the sex of the baby.  Of course, we said yes, so she pointed out what she was looking at.

She said at this point in the pregnancy, what they look for is the angle of the "bits."  If it points up, they think boy, and if it points down, it's a girl.  The white line (kind of under the legs at the base of the belly) in this image is what she was looking at and it clearly is not pointing up, so she said she thinks it's a girl.  Of course, there's always the chance the guess is wrong, so we were warned to keep our receipts and not paint any nurseries yet.  But after we got home and I was watching the DVD, I think I also saw some of the traditional views that determine if it's a boy or a girl, and I think girl, too.  (The whole time I was thinking boy up until now!!!!)

Progesterone Supplements

Warning:  Vague TMI reference.

Done.  Yeah!!!!  Happy to not have to spend the money on them now that I'm in the second trimester, and happier still to not have to deal with the yuck factor once yesterday's moves along.  I'll leave it at that...

Pictures (and video?) from NT Scan

7:20 PM - Edited to Add:  Alright, I did it.  I loaded some still shots, but I still don't know how to add the dvd portion.

*****************************************************************

I have a BUNCH of still shots from the scan last week and even a DVD of the whole thing but haven't sat down long enough to load them yet. Oh, and I have no idea how to load the DVD so that may take a while unfortunately.

Still shots coming soon. That's for sure.

Heartbeat Monitor

I got my fetal heartbeat monitor yesterday!  Yes, that's right.  The USPS delivered on Sunday.  I have no idea what that's all about, but I'm not complaining!

Anyway, with Abby, I rented one and paid every month.  I got a deal for $20 a month back then, but that same one is $45 a month now.  Plus, I'd still have to pay shipping on top of that, so you can see how it can add up over the course of a full term pregnancy.

This time, I learned from some moms online that there is a better option!  I went on Amazon and BOUGHT one for just $27 plus shipping!  

Sonoline B Fetal Prenatal Doppler


I opened the box and found the heartbeat right away, so I am totally pleased with this decision!!!!  I knew from last time that hair gel worked just as well as the special gel they sell with the equipment, so I just used that instead and saved some more money.

I just can't believe I own this little thing for about the cost of renting one for just a month!  (Shipping considered, of course.)

The Name of the Blog

I chose this name because I know having a second kid right now will bring all kinds of challenges.  I'm sure there are days that I will want to hide in a cave and never come out (I already feel that way sometimes!) but for now, I stand up to this little one and say BRING IT ON, SPAWN!

Sure, there will be that diaper smell in the house again because I know I'm too lazy to go outside to dispose of EVERY.SINGLE.DIAPER the instant a #1 or #2 escapes.
Sure, there will be no sleep for, gosh, how long did that phase last???
Sure there will be unfathomable amounts of laundry for such a little person.
Sure, we will miss out on many, many fun things we "could have done."
Sure, we will have to schedule "mommy and daddy time" - assuming sleep deprivation doesn't make us forget what that is.

But,

You will be loved.
You will make our hearts swell and sometimes break.
You will enrich our lives.
You will be appreciated.
You will make it all worthwhile.

No pressure or anything...  ;)

NT Scan - Bloodwork

Got a call from the geneticist and results were "negative."  Woo hoo!

At 41 I had odds of 1 in 50 for Down Syndrome before the test, but the test brought me to 1 in 350 or something like that.

Also, trisomy 13 and 18 were both in the 1 in 1000 or something like that.

That's good news!

My blog - my way :)

There are some days when I'm just too tired to post, but I really WANT to post.  So, I decided that for now, as much as I hate it, I am going to just post what I want to get out and grammar be damned.  I can always go back and edit later (and I'm quite sure you will see a lot of that as my energy increases!).

So for now, I will post in fragments just so I don't miss the boat and find I never posted anything when I realize it's too late and I forgot everything.

NT Scan

It's time!

I've officially entered the twelfth week of this pregnancy, we've "passed" our NT screening, and all immediate family members have gotten the news.  The blog is ON!

This is officially my first post, but I'll be going back and adding in a few items from before we went public in an effort to get as much down as possible.

For now, this post is about the NT scan today.

I guess I got confused on the time of my appointment and Marti almost missed it!  Thank goodness he was able to leave the instant he got the message and made it for most of the scan.  Even better was that the scan was a good one!

At nearly 42 years of age, Down Syndrome is a definite risk.  When she was finally able to measure the nuchal fold, I was VERY relieved to see measurements in the 1.7-1.8 range!  The geneticist later told us that anything under 2.0 is what they like to see and is considered normal.

Of course, there was the follow up blood draw, of which we will get the results Wednesday or Thursday, but I don't expect contradictory results there.

We also got to hear the heartbeat again and it was in the 175-185 range.  The baby was very active and not exactly cooperative in getting the measurements that were needed, but it was still good to see so much activity!  (Plus, I think this lack of cooperation prolonged the scan and allowed Marti time to get there to see most of it!)

We got the whole thing on DVD when we checked out and a CD of every image she stopped on for measurements or whatever.

Also, our tech, Katie, asked if we were interested in finding out the sex of the baby.  Of course we are!  She said based on the angle of the genitals in a profile shot, she guesses a girl.  On second look, when I was watching the video, I saw a few shots that confirmed her guess.  I'm feeling pretty strong about this prediction.  Woo hoo!


While a healthy baby is all I really want, a girl WOULD make things simpler in the long run.  This way we can just worry about doing girlie things with "the kids" instead of having to please one girl and one boy.  It will be easier to share our hours - of which we get precious few together - if our kids would both enjoy the same types of things.  (Just my luck, we'll get that girl, but she will be a TOTAL tom boy and HATE princesses and tea parties!!!!)

On a mostly unrelated note, DAMN MY LEFT INDEX FINGER HURTS!  She stuck me in the finger to get the blood for the follow up test and it hurts worse now than when she stuck me!  And a note to self, next time don't ask which finger they want.  You're a lefty.  WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?!?  Every pen and pencil I touched today - not to mention this keyboard - was my mortal enemy.

First appointment

We had our first appointment and I was placed in a room with an ultrasound machine.  I laughed to Marti that they had better do a quick scan!  How brutal would it be to put a newly pregnant mom with my history into a room with an up and running ultrasound machine and then deny me a sneak peek???

We also had to bring Abby with us because her school was closed that day and the drop off daycare wasn't open yet.  So, she got to see the doc find the baby in me and we were talking about the heartbeat she found.

I asked Abby what she thought was inside Mommy with a heartbeat.  She said she didn't know, and then guessed a raccoon!

I was just happy to see it was in there and alive at this point.